Family

If I haven't mentioned this before, I should. My family is really close knit, and sometimes it becomes overwhelming to me to be three hours away and missing everything. Especially with my niece about to be two. My parents went to Cabo for Thanksgiving, so we did our Thanksgiving early. It was really nice to have all of the family around, even if they were poking at my non-existent belly and commenting about how big I have gotten. But all in all it was really great, and the boyfriend came down with me. We had a very serious 3 hour talk on the way down of course, (it seems we do nothing else now a days) but all was well and he even said that he wants to visit my family at least once a month. :)

And it snowed! We were worried that there would be too much snow on the road for us to come down in the first place, but we made it down without problems. The boyfriend didn't stay the night because he had work the next morning, but I had scheduled for snow and didn't have to be back in Seattle until Tuesday. I stayed with my sister and played with my niece non-stop. It was really fun!

Now I am back in Seattle, and I actually ended up staying an extra day because I did not have work on Tuesday as planned. Now I don't work until Saturday and part of me is excited to sleep and have some time to relax, but the other side of me is thinking "OMGFINANCES!"

The thing about holidays are this: I'm a grinch. I'm sure that will change once I have my own family, but ever since I was little, the holidays have been a bit of a drag. Probably because I am a product of a broken home and negotiating which parent gets what time slot of which day is not the easiest thing on the planet. I have no memory of my parents being together as they divorced when I was around two years old, and they both quickly remarried. My parents not getting along made holidays even worse. And it doesn't help that I think holidays are extremely commercialized and awful.

This Thanksgiving though, I put on a smiley, sleepy, hungry face and did my best, and it wasn't that bad! (I think not stopping by my bio-dad's really helped) No guilt trips, no evil grandmother, no time crunches. Fantastic! Even hanging out with the future in laws wasn't that bad. But I did end up getting horridly nauseous at their house, ending in me lying down in the boyfriend's bed and leaving early. But it was really enjoyable, and it was the first time I was introduced as "girlfriend." Long story on that one.

Frusterated (10wks4days)

I went to my first prenatal appointment today! I didn't get to hear the heartbeat because we think my estimation date is off because my last period was late. But, fun fact, my uterus is tilted (which I knew) hugely to the left (which I didn't know). Apparently it's not a big deal because it will correct itself when it's all huge and protruding.  That's another reason we couldn't find a heartbeat, my uterus was hiding to the left, and she was looking where a normal baby would be in a normal uterus. But with the tilting, and the late period that means I have to get an ultrasound sometime within the next week and a half. I am still working on getting my insurance worked out. I did get told that I had a fabulous pelvis, which is't going to have any foreseeable trouble expanding for birth. YAY!

Frustrating though? I feel like I have to fight my boyfriend every step of the way to be involved. I had to force him to come to the appointment with me, force him to be serious when taking down him and his family's medical history, and force him to be in the freaking room with me during the exam! How annoying! I just don't get it. I know I cant expect him to be father of the year overnight. But a little support here and there would be really nice. I admit I got overwhelmed and weepy over it, but I was still angry and for a good reason. I talked to him after I screamed and left, and told him that I am still upset and for a good reason and that I want to talk about it.

UUUHHHHHGGGGG

9w5d

I almost ate someone's face off today, because the place that I was going to eat at was closed. I learned the difference between "want" and "need." At first I just wanted pad thai, then the place was closed, and I had to drive around to find a new place and I started needing pad thai. Nothing else would do. I practically started gnawing on my steering wheel.

I ate ALL my food, plus a salad, plus some crab cakes. Now I'm feeling a little sick. I want more crab cakes, but I think that they will make me sick if I do. It's horrid. I have (knock on wood) not experienced any morning sickness yet.

Good non-whining news? The boyfriend came home with a daddy book today! And tomorrow (hopefully) I am interviewing midwives.

wish me luck

Telling People

I started telling people last weekend, aka, my birthday weekend. There are specific people that I really wanted to tell in person, and I actually accomplished it! Go me! The best response I have gotten thus far is such:

"Your going to have an Asian baby.....Awww....It's what you always wanted!"

Thank you Jessa. That made my day. Also, Jessa took a belly pic at around 8 weeks, and I have decided to keep up with that, just not right now because I am TIRED! I worked a total of 18 hours yesterday, starting at 7am, ending at 6am the next day, with a little break in the middle. Thank goodness I love my job! But today I don't work until 7, so I get to be lazy. I am going to sit and eat food, drink water, watch dumb things on the internet, and nap intermittently. (also pee a lot. My new hobby.)

But what I really wanted to bitch about, is the fact that some people refuse to answer their phones or call back. There are some really big people in my life that I want to tell and I really don't want them to find out via facebook or word of mouth. But, if they won't answer their phones, that is just how it is going to be. Sorry.

So, new things with my body going on. Let's talk about it. I have been eating everything with a caloric content (with exceptions to meat), and in mass quantities. I went home for my birthday to the wonderful town of Hockinson, and I ate about half a lasagna, half a tray of deviled eggs, salad and veggies, cake and pie. Then? Then I went out to dinner and had some pasta. I am unstoppable. The effect of all of this? Some serious bloat! I look like I am WAAAYYY further along than I actually am, and it's all food.

Also, I can't talk.All of the sudden I can't think of words for things, and I am tongue tied. Apparently this is common. Also, apparently everyone in my family has had "the dropsies." I have not gotten to that yet. What I am an expert at though, is being hormonal. As I said before, I blame everything on my hormones, but this is not your average bitchery blamed on hormones. This is all out crazies! I cry at everything. I yell at the boyfriend for everything. I am the grouch. A grumpy, yelling, crying, sleeping grouch.

On top of everything, I have been getting these silly email updates from a couple of different websites telling me how far along I am, and about it. But sometimes it feels that they just email me to tell me all of the things I can't do. Like, ride a bicycle in the rain. Ok, why would ANYONE want to ride a bicycle in the rain, especially a crazy pregnant person?!? One that I am kind of excited about though? I'm not allowed to clean the cat box! Ha! No bitching there! Poop duty is now boyfriend's responsibility.

Good news though, and not just whining news, I am starting to accept my pregnancy and the fact that I am going to be a mom. I have been eating healthier, thinking about prenatal yoga classes, and I am interviewing midwives next week with the boyfriend. Things are turning up. Although there is still a huge amount of stress about finances and where we are going to live. But I just have a feeling that everything is going to turn out for the better, because hey, in the end, we are going to be parents! As terrifying everything thing is, I am excited!

Talk About a Hurdle!

So, I have ignored you for a while, for good reasons I promise!

A week ago, I peed on The Stick and it was positive. I peed on another stick, it too, was positive. Then I went to work. Shocked, slightly shaking, I stayed up all night during the overnight, and stared at my future every time I  fed a baby. After work, I got more tests, peed on 'em, and they were all positive.

While all of this is happening, the boyfriend's dad fell off a ladder, and he is away taking care of his dad. When I had come home from work, I was supposed to sleep, but HOW COULD I? I think I slept about 3 hours, then waited for the boyfriend to come home. Longest day of my life? So far, yes.

He came home, I bombarded with him with the news, then I went to my sisters house for a couple of days. I was and still am a little freaked out! I had no health insurance (my sister helped me sign up for state insurance), I have only been dating the boyfriend for about a year, and we currently live in a basement. After I got back home, the boyfriend and I had a more positive conversation, and I think he is coming around.

Apparently I got pregnant while I was taking my doula class. I didn't have a car, I was working crazy hours, and also taking classes. I am currently 8 weeks along. I don't feel very different though, so it makes it hard to accept the whole I'm going to have a baby thing. Sure, I'm a bit tired, a bit cranky, and I have been eating EVERYTHING. But I am also quitting smoking and caffeine, so those could also been symptoms of that too.

No morning sickness (knock on wood), no cravings, yeah, I'm peeing more, but I am also drinking a lot more water too. It kind of seems like I am making this huge deal about nothing.

One symptom that I do have, which made me take the tests (besides missed periods), are sore boobs. Seriously. They are like rock hard! And my nipples feel like they are trying to escape from my chest. They are a tad bigger, but mostly just hard and hurting. The funny thing about my boobs, which I had previously mentioned, is that I don't have them. I got excited the other day because I found a bra that fit and wasn't in the pre-teen section. No sparkles, no Hannah Montana, no My Little Pony, no Dora the Explorer. It is black with LACE!! and now it's almost too small. great.

I'm being a bit negative, I will post more later.