Warning: Unhappy Post

The boyfriend finally told his parents that we are going to have a baby. This is something that we both feared as the are traditional as traditional can get. They laid down the rules! I have to be interrogated by them, they have to meet my parents and, oh yeah, WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF MONTHS.

No way in hell is that happening. I don't want to get married to please his parents. I want to get married because I love him and I think we are ready for it. We are not ready for this. Over Thanksgiving, dear boyfriend told me that he has one foot out the door. He is struggling with the fact that I am hormonal, we haven't been together that long, his parents, finding a place to live, our 14 year age difference, and the fact that I am not the mythical non-hormonal type of pregnant person.

We got into a huge fight about it because he thinks the reason I don't want to get married is because I am young and immature and I don't love him. Despite the fact that I have told him SINCE I MET HIM that I refuse to marry until same-sex marriage is legal. As a child of a broken home, I don't really believe in marriage, especially marriage to cure a relationship of it's issues, or to make sure that his family isn't shamed.

On top of all of this, last night I was hanging out with some of my friends (something that never happens) and one of my friend's boyfriend treated me like I was a god! He thinks pregnancy is the most beautiful thing on the planet and that boy could not keep his hands off my belly. I am not the person who gets upset about personal space, so I actually enjoyed is doting. But what made me really sad was that it made me realize that Boyfriend never does stuff like that. He actually avoids my tummy like it's the bubonic plague. He never tells me that I look beautiful, asks me how I am feeling, or makes me a cup of tea. And here was someone else's boyfriend treating me so fantastic, it broke my heart. It's like boyfriend pretends I'm not pregnant in hopes that it will go away. Sometimes I almost feel like he succeeds in his thinking, forgets I'm pregnant, and when I get overwhelmed over stupid shit, he thinks it's me being immature.

Sometimes I feel like a bully on the playground, and other times I am honestly surprised that I don't turn green and rip my shirt off. It makes me feel like an ass, but I can't control it. Then I think back to when my sister was pregnant and feel sane again. My sister was crazy. She stabbed her boyfriend in the hand with a key so hard the key broke off in his hand, then she got mad at him for breaking her key. She would constantly throw shit at his head, and get mad if he ducked and the object she threw made a dent in the wall. All over stupid shit too, like Taco Bell being closed, or him not wanting to get bubblegum ice cream at 2am, or that she couldn't see her feet. I need my boyfriend to hear these stories so he will realize that I am trying to be sane, I really am, but I am about to explode because I am holding it all in!

I have no idea what we are going to do about his parents. I sure as hell am not getting married to please his mom. That is not me, and deep down, he knows that. I am sorry if she feels shamed, sometimes I feel shamed walking around with a belly that screams "I HAD PREMARITAL SEX WITHOUT PROTECTION!!!"

I am so sick of fighting, and so sick of crying, and soooooo sick of puking it's not even funny. But, if you have lasted this long with my pathetic, sad rambling, I guess I should reward you with some pictures.

First: 8 week belly pic:

Next: 12 Weeks:

And Finally, 14 weeks, taken yesterday:

I stopped taking pictures of my face because I am really upset all the time, and mostly because I am using my cell phone camera.

I'm Back!

Again, I ignore. I have been feeling overwhelmingly lazy and frumpy lately. I no longer fit into my jeans, and I have been rotating my 2 pairs of yoga pants for way too long now. I never realized how much my image mattered to me. Before, if someone had offered to allow me to wear yoga pants for an entire month I would have been ALL OVER that shit!  But because I have no other choice, I get really bummed by it.

That was until my mom swooped in and forced me to go shopping with her for maternity clothes. I avoided the stretchy waistbands like the plague, not because I fear gaining weight, but because I think buying clothes that are only going to last a couple of months are useless. That all changed when I actually tried on a pair of jeans with an underbelly waistband. I forced the people in the store to let me wear them out! Things are definitely looking up! I have jeans that I can wear, I have cargo pants with a HUGE elastic waistband that should have shoulder straps on them, I have cute expandable cardigans! I love my mother! She did the same thing with my sister who, later in her pregnancy, informed everyone that she was just going to cut a hole in the top of her tent and wear that! (My grandma threatened the same thing with a tablecloth) Basically, clothes are important to the pregnant women in our family, if we are convinced we have nothing to wear, we will walk around naked!

Since getting new clothing, and spending some one-on-one time with my mom, I am feeling really awesome. What is even more awesome:

I GOT TO HEAR THE HEARTBEAT! MY CHILD HAS A HEARTBEAT! IT IS A CHILD WITH A BEATING HEART! THERE IS ONLY ONE! I AM NOT JUST FAT AND BITCHY!

whew.  Sorry, had to get that out. But if you can't tell, I am pretty freaking excited!! Since they couldn't find a heartbeat the last time, I was convinced they never would. That my child was not alive, that there was no child, that I was just fat and a bitch, and that there were twins in there and the two heartbeats were cancelling each other out. Rational and sane right? hahahahahaha.

But basically, everything is fine besides me not being able to eat eggs or that nasty ass fish oil. I have been getting sick at night almost every night, but I hardly barf unless there are eggs or fish involved. Child is growing well, crooked uterus is growing crookedly well, and I gained 7 pounds!!!!  Never in my life have I bought a size medium, and now I fit them! Never in my life have I ever weighed this much, and I am ecstatic! I am protruding more and more every day, especially at night, hence the stretchy waistband pants. And my general grumpiness has gone (mostly) away.

All in all, things are looking up and out in a ) sort of way. Hey, hardly any bitching in this post! That is a first!